Global Warming? This Compton Mom Claims The California Wildfires Are The Result Of Ashy And Neglectful Californians

Loretta Jenkins, 74, a proud resident of Compton, CA, has left her hometown to help identify the cause of the California wildfires. While many believe that global warming is the main contributing factor to the increase in wildfires, Mrs. Jenkins has another theory.

“Ashy. Ashy. Ashy,” Mrs. Jenkins commented, working her way down a line of people. “All y’all ashy as hell. Didn’t ya mama teach you better?”

Contrary to popular belief, she states that the number one cause for these fires has been the “ashy ass knees and elbows of these un-moisturized, neglectful, forgotten children of God.” Mrs. Jenkins asserts that if Californians took better care of their skin needs, there would be less fires. 

“Don’t get me wrong, what we done did to the earth is beyond despicable, okay? But that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Fire can only really strike where there is a dry enough area for it to occur. And if you look at these elbows and knees, you can see the driest areas of them all…”

Mrs. Jenkins was later seen throwing Lubriderm Cocoa Butter onto the fires in her backyard, which, to the surprise of the firefighters called to the scene, worked surprisingly well.